While talking to a good friend today about what makes a relationship ‘tick’ or ‘stick’, I hit upon a very good analogy. (Personally, am very excited to share this as I feel the discovery might be of ‘man lands on moon’ proportions. Or so, I think.)
I don’t have all the answers. But it makes perfect sense that a relationship with a stronger foundation stands good and bad phase.
Lets say we make a foundation with bricks for a relationship. And three bricks are all that is required to build it up.
The first brick to be laid is TRUST. If you don’t trust another person and their integrities, then, chances are this brick will have to be picked up way too often.
The second brick is RESPECT. If you can’t respect another individual for who she or he is, probably you would always have a desire to keep shifting the brick. Being curt and rude to your loved one will surely disintegrate this brick. Remember, it’s just a man-made stone.
Lastly, the third brick is LOVE. Have to be placed in between the earlier two bricks. Without the other two, this brick can’t hold much in the long run.
Every relationship is different. When you treat another person as your equal you seek to understand and be understood.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Sensitive Man (or Bigfoot)
Women often ask; does such a man exist? Can’t really blame the gentler species, for since time started we have ridden on the “macho” image.
The truth is behind all the macho-jumbo, what lies is a super-sensitive child. Wrapped around with thicker-than-peanut-butter-jam known as ego. Someone who gets unsettled easily and constantly trying to undermine competition.
An article even went on to explain man’s genetic wiring as the root-cause. The ‘alpha’ male hunted better and had it all during the cave-ages.
That explains a lot of our defensive reactions.
Answering your question: Yes! It is relatively easier to find the sensitive man than Bigfoot.
The truth is behind all the macho-jumbo, what lies is a super-sensitive child. Wrapped around with thicker-than-peanut-butter-jam known as ego. Someone who gets unsettled easily and constantly trying to undermine competition.
An article even went on to explain man’s genetic wiring as the root-cause. The ‘alpha’ male hunted better and had it all during the cave-ages.
That explains a lot of our defensive reactions.
Answering your question: Yes! It is relatively easier to find the sensitive man than Bigfoot.
Love.
Poems. Plays. Fables. Epics. Short stories. Long stories. Articles. Books. E-books. Blogs. Songs. Movies. So much has already been written and so many more will continue to be written on “love”.
May be it’s because one person's experience is different from another.
Or may be it's just that no one can actually explain what it really is.
Or may be, they are all nothing but individual perspectives to help ‘themselves’ make sense and stay relevant to their own life. There’s nothing like justifying your actions.
No matter how we look at it, LOVE is always beautiful. And it’s such a wonderful word to write about.
May be it’s because one person's experience is different from another.
Or may be it's just that no one can actually explain what it really is.
Or may be, they are all nothing but individual perspectives to help ‘themselves’ make sense and stay relevant to their own life. There’s nothing like justifying your actions.
No matter how we look at it, LOVE is always beautiful. And it’s such a wonderful word to write about.
Take a chance.
Life would be so much more peaceful if we were not offered choices. It would seem that we are always at crossroads every waking day of our life. And that's definitely stress.
The first time I went through this was right after I passed my grade 10. I remember my dad’s solemn look. Is it science or commerce? “Commerce”, I said. And from that decision on, I have been literally ‘choosing’ my way.
Not many days after that first big decision, I remember dad telling me, “Be always responsible for your decisions. Good and Bad.” It didn’t make sense to me then and my teen mind screamed in my head “wateva!” too soon.
Fast-forward.
I realise now that no matter what decision I took, I alone am responsible for it. I am the one in charge of what I am. It changes everything. And it does feel much better. Thank you Dad.
I really envy those who keep telling, I just go with the flow! I wish I could think like a fish. (No offence. And I really do envy you.)
As for me, I am a lot happier making my choices now. It’s just another life-altering decision!
The first time I went through this was right after I passed my grade 10. I remember my dad’s solemn look. Is it science or commerce? “Commerce”, I said. And from that decision on, I have been literally ‘choosing’ my way.
Not many days after that first big decision, I remember dad telling me, “Be always responsible for your decisions. Good and Bad.” It didn’t make sense to me then and my teen mind screamed in my head “wateva!” too soon.
Fast-forward.
I realise now that no matter what decision I took, I alone am responsible for it. I am the one in charge of what I am. It changes everything. And it does feel much better. Thank you Dad.
I really envy those who keep telling, I just go with the flow! I wish I could think like a fish. (No offence. And I really do envy you.)
As for me, I am a lot happier making my choices now. It’s just another life-altering decision!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Life is about balance.
Its been said so many times before, in so many different languages. Generation after generation. Yet the balance eludes us.
My note on this is to accept and understand that constant striving for this balance is what ‘living’ is all about. When you stop making an effort you stop living.
You must choose how to balance your life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of the decision be rooted in your instincts.
You don't get anything for free.
Every success is associated with a hundred failures and no true success happens on the first try. Do not live your life for what other people think. Live your life for what you know. Don't push your morals on someone else. Let people be free in their choices. If their choices are not choices that you live by or support, then don't associate with that person. You can't make another person feel a certain way about anything.
The more you know the more you realize how much you don't know.
Some things are out of your hands. Call it destiny, fate, chance, karma or God. Things happen, they defy logic and reason - accept them, learn from them and move on.
Learn something new everyday. Wisdom is one of the keys to happiness - if you do not feed your wisdom then part of your spirit will die.
Again, it’s about us ‘trying to balance’ that make the difference. If you are not looking for life to be good, it won't be. If you are looking for life to be good then at least there is a chance.
My note on this is to accept and understand that constant striving for this balance is what ‘living’ is all about. When you stop making an effort you stop living.
You must choose how to balance your life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of the decision be rooted in your instincts.
You don't get anything for free.
Every success is associated with a hundred failures and no true success happens on the first try. Do not live your life for what other people think. Live your life for what you know. Don't push your morals on someone else. Let people be free in their choices. If their choices are not choices that you live by or support, then don't associate with that person. You can't make another person feel a certain way about anything.
The more you know the more you realize how much you don't know.
Some things are out of your hands. Call it destiny, fate, chance, karma or God. Things happen, they defy logic and reason - accept them, learn from them and move on.
Learn something new everyday. Wisdom is one of the keys to happiness - if you do not feed your wisdom then part of your spirit will die.
Again, it’s about us ‘trying to balance’ that make the difference. If you are not looking for life to be good, it won't be. If you are looking for life to be good then at least there is a chance.
Happiness COUNTS!
Sitting back and reflecting on 'things' that make you happy can actually kick-start the whole HAPPINESS process. I should know, for I am happy to present my list of happiness. Go on try it...
Playing Frisbee. I love something simple like this to do. It's like playing catch with a football or any ball, only you can do more tricks with it. The interaction with friends keeps it fresh, and Frisbee is something that even your less athletic friends, who fear getting hurt, can play.
Succeeding in a goal I have set for myself. I've set several goals for myself way back and have accomplished some of them. For each one that I've completed I felt very happy and accomplished. So I've created several new goals, which I'm currently working on. When I complete them, I'm sure I will feel equally as happy.
Wrestling with my dog back home. Some people like small dogs, those people are insane. All dogs like to play fight, but large dogs can actually back it up. Wrestling with a dog is unique because they fight much differently from humans. They use their claws and teeth, but aren't very good at getting out of holds. It's just a good time playing with your loyal best friend. My dog is hugeeee!
Beating a video game. Although not all games are even worth playing long enough to beat, the ones that are make you feel really good about yourself. You've taken the creation of the game developer and designer and defied their puzzles and challenges by beating their creation.
Finishing a piece of art. Whether it be drawing, painting, digital, games, etc. I always feel good about finishing them because I can show off my hard work, and say "I made this."
The smell of first rains. What can I say about the first rains… yummy!
Going for a drive at 2:00 AM. Nobody is on the road, most places are closed, but every so often you see a diner or some people walking through the night. It's a feeling of wonder and mystery. I enjoy that feeling very much.
Having a someone to accompany me on a walk, etc. I love to go on walks, bike rides, etc. but they are so much more enjoyable when you have someone there to talk to and interact with. I love jogging too… run… keep on running..
Solving a brain-teaser, puzzle, or various other intellectual challenge. Nothing says "I'm an egghead" like figuring out some complex puzzle that nobody else knows and deriving pleasure from doing so. Good times.
Going to the park. For any reason at all. Parks allow you to commune with nature in a way that you just can't get from walking down a road, and being around nature makes me feel good inside.
Getting lost. That is, when I'm not in a hurry. Sometimes I'll go driving and purposely try to get lost by taking roads I've never been down before. Ya rite! Not only do you get the enjoyment of seeing new places and people, but you also learn more about your surroundings. Pretty good excuse, eh?
Finishing a book. Provided that the book is good, although, if the book sucks, I'm usually glad it's finally over. I adore reading through a fantastic story or an in depth text book and then reaching the last page. There is always a feeling of sadness tied in with this happiness because you don't want good books to end, but the overall feeling is happiness.
Seeing someone else accomplish their goals. Because I know the struggle and toil that it takes to accomplish a goal, when I see someone else doing it I feel very good indeed.
Getting nostalgic. Remembering the good times. My family and my friends. The moments…All the good times we had…
Looking in the mirror after getting all dressed up. Sure I may sound vain, but everyone is vain to some degree. When I take the time do dress up and groom myself properly I can look awfully sexy, and that makes me feel good about myself. Am supposed to look good if I sport a bald look. hahaha
Being told that I know too much. Yes, this does actually happen fairly often. Usually just after someone has said "I wonder why -insert unknown question that normal people don't know or care to know-", and then I answer it. Sorry about that.
Playing games. This is pretty obvious to most people. Games are played for fun, friends are there for fun, makes sense right? Pretty much any game, whether it be boardgames, sports, video games, etc. They're all much more fun with close friends.
Seeing your loved ones happy. Nothing beats this. Just thinking about their smiles. The way they giggle. Laugh. Innocence. Stupid mistakes. Making a funny expression with the lips. Dads loud sneeze. Huggies.
The house of God. What can I say? I think I was born again a human and if it hadn't been for the faith in God… I would never have been happy again.
Playing Frisbee. I love something simple like this to do. It's like playing catch with a football or any ball, only you can do more tricks with it. The interaction with friends keeps it fresh, and Frisbee is something that even your less athletic friends, who fear getting hurt, can play.
Succeeding in a goal I have set for myself. I've set several goals for myself way back and have accomplished some of them. For each one that I've completed I felt very happy and accomplished. So I've created several new goals, which I'm currently working on. When I complete them, I'm sure I will feel equally as happy.
Wrestling with my dog back home. Some people like small dogs, those people are insane. All dogs like to play fight, but large dogs can actually back it up. Wrestling with a dog is unique because they fight much differently from humans. They use their claws and teeth, but aren't very good at getting out of holds. It's just a good time playing with your loyal best friend. My dog is hugeeee!
Beating a video game. Although not all games are even worth playing long enough to beat, the ones that are make you feel really good about yourself. You've taken the creation of the game developer and designer and defied their puzzles and challenges by beating their creation.
Finishing a piece of art. Whether it be drawing, painting, digital, games, etc. I always feel good about finishing them because I can show off my hard work, and say "I made this."
The smell of first rains. What can I say about the first rains… yummy!
Going for a drive at 2:00 AM. Nobody is on the road, most places are closed, but every so often you see a diner or some people walking through the night. It's a feeling of wonder and mystery. I enjoy that feeling very much.
Having a someone to accompany me on a walk, etc. I love to go on walks, bike rides, etc. but they are so much more enjoyable when you have someone there to talk to and interact with. I love jogging too… run… keep on running..
Solving a brain-teaser, puzzle, or various other intellectual challenge. Nothing says "I'm an egghead" like figuring out some complex puzzle that nobody else knows and deriving pleasure from doing so. Good times.
Going to the park. For any reason at all. Parks allow you to commune with nature in a way that you just can't get from walking down a road, and being around nature makes me feel good inside.
Getting lost. That is, when I'm not in a hurry. Sometimes I'll go driving and purposely try to get lost by taking roads I've never been down before. Ya rite! Not only do you get the enjoyment of seeing new places and people, but you also learn more about your surroundings. Pretty good excuse, eh?
Finishing a book. Provided that the book is good, although, if the book sucks, I'm usually glad it's finally over. I adore reading through a fantastic story or an in depth text book and then reaching the last page. There is always a feeling of sadness tied in with this happiness because you don't want good books to end, but the overall feeling is happiness.
Seeing someone else accomplish their goals. Because I know the struggle and toil that it takes to accomplish a goal, when I see someone else doing it I feel very good indeed.
Getting nostalgic. Remembering the good times. My family and my friends. The moments…All the good times we had…
Looking in the mirror after getting all dressed up. Sure I may sound vain, but everyone is vain to some degree. When I take the time do dress up and groom myself properly I can look awfully sexy, and that makes me feel good about myself. Am supposed to look good if I sport a bald look. hahaha
Being told that I know too much. Yes, this does actually happen fairly often. Usually just after someone has said "I wonder why -insert unknown question that normal people don't know or care to know-", and then I answer it. Sorry about that.
Playing games. This is pretty obvious to most people. Games are played for fun, friends are there for fun, makes sense right? Pretty much any game, whether it be boardgames, sports, video games, etc. They're all much more fun with close friends.
Seeing your loved ones happy. Nothing beats this. Just thinking about their smiles. The way they giggle. Laugh. Innocence. Stupid mistakes. Making a funny expression with the lips. Dads loud sneeze. Huggies.
The house of God. What can I say? I think I was born again a human and if it hadn't been for the faith in God… I would never have been happy again.
The Science of Living.
So much has been written and preached on the ‘Art of Living’ but the fact remains that it is the ‘Science’ behind all this that brings sanity.
Accept it. You can't control your life or emotions. There will always be something that is out of your control and some of the time your logic and heart may disagree but this is part of our "human nature". Resolving the differences between your heart and mind is one of the most difficult things we have to do - and there is not a "right" choice.
There are great people out there, trust me I've found a couple and I cherish them in no easily describable way. Try to be open-minded and seek out those people who are rare and special, those that can teach and question. The search is long and hard but worth-while.
Well, I know not what tomorrow is going to bring but that is the wondrous part of life. You can't control life but you can enjoy it and you should try to make the most of it. You may not agree with what I believe but do this. In reading the above try to determine what I'm saying and what is the question that it is answering.
Accept it. You can't control your life or emotions. There will always be something that is out of your control and some of the time your logic and heart may disagree but this is part of our "human nature". Resolving the differences between your heart and mind is one of the most difficult things we have to do - and there is not a "right" choice.
There are great people out there, trust me I've found a couple and I cherish them in no easily describable way. Try to be open-minded and seek out those people who are rare and special, those that can teach and question. The search is long and hard but worth-while.
Well, I know not what tomorrow is going to bring but that is the wondrous part of life. You can't control life but you can enjoy it and you should try to make the most of it. You may not agree with what I believe but do this. In reading the above try to determine what I'm saying and what is the question that it is answering.
Live life to the full.
A branding campaign I was involved in lately ‘Live life to the full’ made me question the very essence of this highly promising and satisfying statement. Who doesn’t desire to live life to the full? Of course, ‘the fulfillment’ may vary from individual to individual.
It is perfectly okay to expect more of life, friendships, relationships and yourself. I will not say that I strive for the best - cause "the best" is a completely arbitrary label. I realize that life is about compromise on some level. Money isn't all that important but unfortunately it may be necessary to relieve you of some daily worries or make certain things possible. I reflect upon my previous years and realize that it was inside me all along. I simply needed someone to show me where the door was and tell me that it was o.k. to open it - and for that I will be eternally grateful. We are all capable of finding and walking through that door. For some it will be a traumatic, earth-shattering event and for others it might be the most common every day action done one too many times. It may just be one person questioning the very essence of your being by asking WHY?
It is perfectly okay to expect more of life, friendships, relationships and yourself. I will not say that I strive for the best - cause "the best" is a completely arbitrary label. I realize that life is about compromise on some level. Money isn't all that important but unfortunately it may be necessary to relieve you of some daily worries or make certain things possible. I reflect upon my previous years and realize that it was inside me all along. I simply needed someone to show me where the door was and tell me that it was o.k. to open it - and for that I will be eternally grateful. We are all capable of finding and walking through that door. For some it will be a traumatic, earth-shattering event and for others it might be the most common every day action done one too many times. It may just be one person questioning the very essence of your being by asking WHY?
Why this blog?
It is not an attempt to sell you any physical object or thought. Very recently I opened up my thinking and views and found just how much better life can be. Life is not good all the time but when it is good it is so much better than it ever was. I have very bad days but it is the promise of the good that drives me out of bed on those mornings. My morals and core thoughts have not changed though my goals and daily outlook have. This is not a calling card for the psyche ward but rather a personal reflection into my thoughts and the way I see things.
Unfortunately my new thoughts and even what I write here are not understood or supported by a lot of those in my life. Sometimes I wish my change was not so traumatic or confusing but our society has taught us to be somewhat fearful of extremes. I sometimes wonder if anyone I know sees the whole me - I seriously doubt it! Though other people are very important, other's reactions do not motivate or constrain my actions but I still must live with the consequences.
I know that my past actions were not the best, despite good intentions; I lived for a while without a real purpose or desire to get more from life. I wasn't even striving for more when I changed but I was helped. Sometimes we are on the edge and we need a little push - that push and the resulting fallout, is one of the best things to ever happen to this hapless individual. My notes will take me along the journey to happiness, a never-ending journey. Though happiness is a very vague concept, it is attainable in many ways. I guess sharing my thoughts and acts as a journal for the notable ones - so that I may never forget them.
I want people to realize that it is o.k. to think different, to strive for more than a nice car and a middle-class existence (not that these things are bad). Sometimes we all need reassurances when we attempt to do something different what I write is a reassurance for just one person being different - then it was worth all the effort. If you wish to comment on my thoughts, write to me now.
Unfortunately my new thoughts and even what I write here are not understood or supported by a lot of those in my life. Sometimes I wish my change was not so traumatic or confusing but our society has taught us to be somewhat fearful of extremes. I sometimes wonder if anyone I know sees the whole me - I seriously doubt it! Though other people are very important, other's reactions do not motivate or constrain my actions but I still must live with the consequences.
I know that my past actions were not the best, despite good intentions; I lived for a while without a real purpose or desire to get more from life. I wasn't even striving for more when I changed but I was helped. Sometimes we are on the edge and we need a little push - that push and the resulting fallout, is one of the best things to ever happen to this hapless individual. My notes will take me along the journey to happiness, a never-ending journey. Though happiness is a very vague concept, it is attainable in many ways. I guess sharing my thoughts and acts as a journal for the notable ones - so that I may never forget them.
I want people to realize that it is o.k. to think different, to strive for more than a nice car and a middle-class existence (not that these things are bad). Sometimes we all need reassurances when we attempt to do something different what I write is a reassurance for just one person being different - then it was worth all the effort. If you wish to comment on my thoughts, write to me now.
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